You can’t help the way you feel and you are entitled to feel the way you do. There may be people around you who aren’t happy with your decisions and may become unsupportive just because YOUR decisions do not align with THEIR perspectives. See what I did there? I capitalised on the words because who is important in that aspect? YOU.
Sometimes the people around you want what’s “better” for you and that’s understandable. People around you have the ability to see what you cannot see, and that’s part of living. As an individual, you tend to be caught up in situations and block out the things you don’t want to hear or see because that particular situation is fulfilling your needs.
If you’re going to grow as an individual, I support everything that you’re feeling and everything that you’re doing. You may lose some people along the way, but at the end of the day, they only have opinions and judgements, but is that paying your bills?
Alright, let’s give you an example (a real-life example; ME).
I had a hard time letting go of my relationship and the person that was my other half. I obviously had my own personal reasons for why it took some time. But you’ll get there, you’ll be okay.
We all want a happy ending, we all want the person that we’re with to be “forever”. And sometimes it just doesn’t work out for the both of you. But to make it clear, it’s not your fault or his’/hers’. It just happens, and it is hard to accept. I understand, and that’s why I never tell anyone to just “let it go” or “just move on” or “you deserve better”. Because feelings are feelings, and you’re going to feel that way regardless.
During your healing process, it is important to navigate your way through life, and that means the people that you surround yourself with. Some of these people will claim how if they were “ME” or “YOU” they’ll do things differently. But, will they though? I mean it’s not happening to them, it’s happening to you. So of course, it’s so much easier to say that.
It took some time for me to really navigate my way through this situation and cut out some people out of my life. I understand them and I understand where they’re coming from, and I do understand how annoying it is to let yourself be an object to the person you love, and let them hurt you. But how are we ever going to learn from it, if we don’t experience it? I mean of course who would want to get hurt, who wants to be broken and who wants to let go of someone they love? No-one!
And the fact that people are going to judge you for your decisions and make it into your fault, is extremely disrespectful. Ever since February I had to go through constant judgements from people because I went on with my relationship. Like of course, I’m going to be there for the person I love regardless of what he was going through and what I had to go through. If you love someone, you go an extra mile to help them.
Such comments were made:
“Obviously he doesn’t want anything to do with you, that’s obvious. Let him go.”
“It’s not your problem is it now?”
“Just watch, he’s going to break up with you because you don’t have a job anymore.”
“How did it turn out for you?”
All of those comments above were the comments that stuck out the most to me, and those were the comments that hurt me the most.
You know why it hurts? Because people want me to be mad, mad at the situation, mad at him and being angry in general. People want me to hate him and people want me to regret the relationship, and it is not about OTHER PEOPLE, it is about ME.
After everything, the good and the bad, I’m not mad anymore and I don’t regret this relationship at all. And for people who can’t get that, then I suggest you settle down. If you’re not going to be supportive from the start and is only there when I fail, then you don’t deserve my presence at all.
I learned to reflect on the relationship, on him and on myself. When I started to reflect on it, I realised that he taught me a lot. He taught me how to live, and that was the most important thing for me. I was always so used to obeying rules and being scared of being myself, but he had helped me to just live life and do it. And I thank him for my self-growth, so yes I have a soft spot for him, and that’s okay.
Whether we’re together or not together now doesn’t matter, because what matters is how I feel about it and right now I am happy. I am happy that I was able to get closure and hear what I needed to hear. We’re in a good place right now, but most importantly I’m in a good place right now.
So from this, I want you to be able to allow yourself to feel. But I don’t want you to beat yourself up for it. I want you to start reflecting and seeing what sort of steps you should take for YOURSELF.